My "Give a Damn" must be broken

Seriously!  I think it is!  I can't seem to muster up the energy to care.  I don't know if it is because I am still trying desperately to teach myself how to walk and hide my limp but even though I tell myself I am watching what I eat, I don't really think I am. 

I recently got sucked back into the $5 coffee hook.  I think I have shaken that monkey off my back-again!  Not only is it expensive, but holy fattening, Batman!  I thought I could have one as a treat--nope!  One turned into 16 pretty easily.  I changed my cocktail of choice over the summer.  Then I decided it was too sweet and I probably drank them too fast which meant I was ingesting far too many calories so I quit that and went back to the old one.  Then there is protein.  I never used to eat a lot of meats and protein rich foods.  This time last year I changed that.  It's gone.  I have no clue where it went or why, but it is gone.  I would be happier with a big bowl of noodles or rice or potatoes.

At first, after my injury, I was able to keep dropping weight.  I have put back on 5 lbs or so of that.  I hate the way my clothes fit, I hate the way I look, and I don't have that inner feel good thing going that I did in say, February.  Again, part of it may be that I am super self conscious about the limp but part of it has to do with my "give a damn" being broken.  I know the one thing I desperately want is to be wearing fun shoes again.  But I am just too unstable still. 

I wish I knew how to fix it.  I am just so complacent.  I suppose I should start my food journal over again.  Maybe that would help me be conscious of what I am eating, how I feel, and of course, those horrible measurements.  I have started going to a gym to increase my mobility.  When I ride bike or walk on the treadmill, my legs hurt less and I limp less the next couple of days.  But it sure hasn't helped me lose any weight. 

OK, on that note this rather deflated person is going to sign off and check a couple more things before heading back to work after the luscious lunch of 1/4 cup cottage cheese.  See you all in a bit!