A few days ago I got the letter that I have been waiting for 4 months for. I'm not sure what I expected. But I know I wasn't thinking it would be what it was. I was upset and angry and stayed that way for a day or more. But I wasn't sure why. I was hurt and confused. I couldn't focus on anything but this damn letter. With the help of my friend and co-worker and some deep thinking I finally figured out why my emotions were in high gear. First, this letter was the most horrible, condescending, borderline rude letter I have ever received. Second was the realization that it wasn't about money, sure it would have been nice but that wasn't what I really wanted.
I wanted to be heard. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to know that no one else would ever go thru the hell that I did. It's not about me getting back at a doctor or doctors. Its about saving someone else from the fear that they might not make it thru the day because they can't get anyone to listen to them. It's about wanting Sanford to do better.
The letter I received went on an on about how the doctors gave me exemplary care and are not at fault and it's not their fault that I didn't want to take pain killers. (She actually said "want") She definitely did her job defending Sanford. And I found out that if there were fault, it would lie with the first doctor who, by the way, isn't an employee there. Never mind that he did Erin's appendectomy and my diverticulitis cleanout and has an office there!
I thought I was waiting for so long because she was talking to nurses and surgical team staff but she didn't talk to any of them or me. There are a half dozen people that can attest to watching my pain levels drop after taking me off narcotics. I CAN"T take pain meds. It's not that I don't want to because, seriously, who wouldn't want pain killers?? She didn't touch on the fact that I have scars on my chest from the idiot orderly taking the EKG pads off "like a band aid". He took my skin with them. She didn't talk to any of the nurses; who were awesome! Well, all but one. The surgical team caught wind of her and literally moved me to another floor to get me away from her. Catherine, the head of the surgical team, was my advocate for the first 2 weeks of the ordeal. She understood that I couldn't take pain meds and was beside me through the infections that kept me in the hospital. I was sad when I came back for round 2 and she wasn't part of the team. She obviously hadn't talked to her. She didn't touch on the fact that my doctor let me almost pass out in his office and never bothered to notice that the symptoms I was complaining of were dehydration nor did he do anything to help me overcome it. She never touched on the doctor telling Jim one thing and then lying to me when I asked him about it later. Then there was the problem of Sanford giving me a lovely ileostomy bag and no way to get supplies. The only place in town to get supplies is thru them and they don't stock any. They have to be ordered and then you wait. She never spoke with me, read my blog or spoke with any of the nurses. I could go on and on.
The other thing that was ignored is that none of my concerns--of which she probably is unaware of since she never once spoke with me--will be addressed. Someone else will most likely have to go thru this hell also. I just wanted to save one other person from all this and I don't quite know how to do that now. I'm so very sad that no one at Sanford will lean from my experience. Everything was in vain. In a nutshell, I think I needed some kind of positive closure. A "we're so sorry, we'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again and thanks for telling us" moment. Instead, I got a letter telling me that my physicians rock and I don't know what I am talking about. But, since she never took the time to speak with me, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.
I have an email started and I will be sending it to her, the head of the grievance committee and the leadership team in Sioux Falls. Maybe one of them will help me make a difference. I'm going to give up after that but I really would like that moment I mentioned previously. I am done crying about the mean letter and moving on because I have to. This ordeal has eaten enough of my time, feelings and life.
I had a day alone today. I used the gift certificate that Jim and Rylee gave me for Christmas and got a massage and a pedicure this morning. I bought myself some cupcakes and supper. I repotted some plants and got 3 loads of laundry done.
"Celebrate Everything" is continuing!! Love you all!
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