This is my whine post. Whine as in waaa, not something to drink. I hate that I love food. I have gained almost all of my weight back. My clothes fit crappy and I am not happy but I LOVE FOOD! I like feeling full, I like flavor. I want that and to be thin. I have so much pain in my hips that exercise is not an option. I really need to get that fixed but after taking so much darn time off of work because I was sick, the last thing I want to do is take another 4-6 weeks off! My scars itch like crazy! I think it is because I am putting on weight and they are stretching. I have such bad self discipline. If its in front of me, I will eat it. I thought I was doing better by having a small lunch of leftovers and a couple snacks throughout the day but it doesn't seem to be making a difference.
I know I am not alone. I have a sister who confesses the same problem and I am probably teaching my daughters bad eating habits without even being aware. Rylee asked me to get healthy snacks when I went to the grocery store and then borrowed my debit card to go to McDonald's.
Random blurt time!!
Before I got sick, I was attempting to leash train Brian, my puggle. At 5:30 every morning we would walk a couple blocks. He's as chubby as his mom so we would go a few blocks and be done. A few weeks ago, we were outside and he headed off down the sidewalk. I told him to stop and come back. He did, but went to the other side of the yard and headed down the sidewalk that way. I had to stop him again. Then it dawned on me that I have a very bright boy! He was asking me to walk him again! Two days ago, I went to turn the corner and head for home and he aimed his body further down the sidewalk and waited. I thought "how clever! You want to go farther!" He's so smart, my little man is!
So last night I had a weird dream. I was in our old house and had all these kids and a handful of adults around. My neighbor from where I live now was there helping me with something because in the dream she was packing up totes and taking them home as she was leaving. Then there was some guy there trying to tell me something before he left and as he left I finally understood. There was a huge, fuzzy, icky spider!!! Then it disappeared. When it appeared again, I still had kids running crazy but the only other adult with me was the ex wife of a friend. I haven't seen her in 10 years, maybe? I freaked out and when the spider dropped to the floor we realized there were two spiders. Somehow she killed them while I tried to find a shoe big enough to take them on. Suddenly now it's bedtime and I am in the house I am currently living in and the kids are jumping on the bed in the next room because the headboard is against the wall behind my headboard (which couldn't happen in either house, but this is a dream, so whatever) and the friends ex is sleeping on some kind of cushion on the floor next to my bed! Nothing like waking up tired and confused from a night of randomness and terror!
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